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Информация о материале
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Автор: Zack Lieberberg
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Категория: english
East is East, and West is West,
and never the twain shall meet.
R. Kipling
----- Original Message -----
From: Doniyor student
To: Адрес электронной почты защищен от спам-ботов. Для просмотра адреса в вашем браузере должен быть включен Javascript.
Sent: Thursday, March 03, 2005 10:27 AM
Subject: Doniyor
You think you can rule the world quiet peaceful on this path? All
people know people of the world, especially Western people, are the most
corrupt in some sense. Many teenagers use cigarets, alcohol, drugs, and
other harmful things. You think it keeps going like this and everything
will be beautifully? The press often publishes about maniacs, murders,
and other abnormal people. 9 most evil murder maniacs out of 10 live in
countries under Christian religion. Don't you think all this is result
of this social condition. Many think democracy is freedom and do everything
they want. In the streets they shamelessly kiss, smoke, curse. All Western
stars do roughly speaking striptease, all movies show naked girls, guys
and others. You think having seen these things the young will grow up right?
All gynecologists always repeat that masturbation is bad for your health,
but after seeing such movies you understand their warning are meaningless.
Porno sites on the Internet, every movie has an explicit story. Starting
at 10 years of age young people smoke, drink, interest in sex. You may
say Muslim wives are like slavery, but many of them are content and hate
the life of Western women. A Western woman always fights for her husband
and many know of his cheating and do not tell. Because the streets are
teaming with females in short skirts. Husband saw what his wife does not
have at home but not what street women did not. Western divorce and infidelity
statistics are highest. 14% of all men do sex with his own daughter (USA).
I can speak for hours about dirty problems like that and prove it to you.
This is all a result of democracy, if you can call it that. Many people
of the West feel their way, she is wrong, tragic, but nothing can do. Medicine
says, if one hand is sick and can't leave it on, cut it off. I do not want
to say Ben Laden does jihad, only Allah knows. It may be something political.
I accepted Islam because this religion forbids all the problems I counted.
The Koran says about purity, about marriage, about economics, about politics,
about medicine, about geography, history and other. I don't remember exactly,
but one important scientist from the West published 100 or 200 the best
books in the world, and in the first place was 1 — the Koran, 2 — the Newton
book, 3 — the Gospel. And it says there that Mohammad wrote the Koran,
but the scientist does not know that that book is the word of Allah the
almighty. The Koran writes about Moses, and Jesus, and their faiths. It
writes how the Jews lost the right way, how Christians left the right religion.
These both are admitted profets and are very respected by Muslims. Western
people think they are most clever, most faithful, always first. But they
are deeply mistaken. For example, now they are standing like an innocent
child before global warming, AIDS, Drug Addiction, and such. All these
problems and shortcomings threaten Muslim countries and this is why someone
decided the necessity of jihad. As you know, the Koran demands it. Imagine
you learn your 11 year old son smokes, what do you do? Good parents yell
at him and beat him if necessary. But, democratically, you have no right
to beat your own child. I simply want that people first straighten themselves,
and then others. (For example Bush) People who every day convert to Islam
are not stupid, but educated, smart and strong. Please, find the verse
where Jesus will say I am God, warship me. You will find no such verse
in the Gospel, because he was profet and warshipped Allah. In Islam, the
Gospel is also sent by Allah, but that book people changed and the Koran
was given to Muhammad. I do not speek Russian too good and ask you to for
give me forthat inadvance for grammar errors. At 1st and second world War,
USA fought cowardly and egotistically and collected more than half gold
and lent it to the world on interest. Learn history and economy.
Dear Doniyor:
You can't even imagine what waves of emotion your letter produced in
me; what a nostalgic flame it stoked! No, I have never been to your country.
But as a toddler and, later, as a young man, I lived across the street
from the restaurant Uzbekistan in Moscow, and my palate still remembers
the delicacies that could be found nowhere else in the entire Russian capital.
Or how could I forget shish kabobs served in the summer restaurant Chaihana,
three stories high, but open and airy as a gazebo; where customers looked
from above at the masters laboring down below at the enormous grill shaped
in a semicircle and producing almost invisible wisps of fragrant smoke,
whose aroma made hungry customers suffer as if from unrequited love.
Can anyone forget the taste of the Cahor Uzbekistan, sweet as the memory
of a first kiss? Whenever I was sick as a child, my grandmother gave me
a tablespoon of it once a day to stimulate my appetite. And what do you
think? After so many years, my appetite is still excellent! Since then,
I have tried all kinds of fancy Ports and Sherries, not to mention the
Georgian Kindzmareuli, but your Cahor is still number one in my memory.
Probably because as a Jew I was born with seeds of decadence in me, I still
remember myself as a very young child sneaking towards the pantry where
the cherished bottle was kept, hoping to take a sip from it, infinitesimal,
but, nevertheless, vertiginous. And how about the Chardjui melons that
my grandfather used to bring home from his business trips! Huge, larger
than a large watermelon, sweeter than honey, juicier than grapes, and yet
crunchy like apples. Where else can you find melons like that?
After the Tashkent earthquake of 1966, when students from your stricken
capital were being transferred to Moscow colleges, I got a new roommate.
His name was Akmal Usmanov. What a guy he was! What pilaf he cooked! Once
his parents came for a visit, and he outdid himself. Only Uzbeks were invited,
but since I was a roommate, they made an exception for me. When Akmal's
strict mother saw forks on the table, she immediately ordered Akmal to
remove them. Akmal tried to leave one for me, but his mother showed no
mercy. She told him that foreigners shouldn't be spoiled; if they wanted
to eat at the same table with humans, they had to learn human table manners.
Of course, she was speaking Uzbek, and her little speech was translated
for me the next day. While she was speaking, I was smiling pleasantly,
getting dizzier by the minute from the overwhelming aroma of the pilaf.
And so, I had to eat it with my hands, desperately trying to mimic real
humans. But while the real humans present did it without a problem and
even with some degree of elegance, I had a thin, but steady stream of hot
lamb fat flowing from my hand to my wrist and on into the sleeve of my
jacket, dripping from its elbow and congealing in my lap like a cooled
puddle of molten tin. Fortunately, I didn't have to distract myself with
conversation since it was conducted in Uzbek. At the end of the dinner,
Akmal's mother collected everything that was left of the pilaf on the plate
in the center of the table and using just one hand, without losing even
a single grain of rice, rammed it all into my mouth. While I was trying
to swallow, without choking, enough of it so I could close my mouth, Akmal
explained to me that that was how the guest of honor was traditionally
treated at the Uzbek fete.
And so, you will believe me that I mean no offense when I say that
Iranian pilaf, made out of the longest-grained, most fragrant basmati rice,
with dill instead of carrots, is better than the Uzbek one. I savored plenty
of it during the years that I lived in Baku. That's where I saw for the
first time how Muslims drink en mass. I have to admit, they drink very
well, very much, and never lose face. Even if someone happened to down
a glass or two too many, he would do his best to quietly, holding on to
the walls if necessary, walk himself home without offending anyone with
either a word or a deed. Falling asleep on the sidewalk, a mishap pretty
common among Moscow drunkards, was unheard of in Baku. But I have to tell
you that I didn't meet any teetotalers there, either among the grown-ups
or teenagers.
Of course, everyone smoked, including even very young kids, but women
only smoked at home, because a woman who dared to smoke in public was called
a slut, and who needs this kind of reputation just for smoking cigarettes?
But the anasha, a Central Asian favorite derivative from sesame seeds,
was used almost exclusively by the Muslims. There were exceptions, of course,
but they were noticed: “See that? Russian guy anasha smoke!”
And I don't have to tell you how strict people were about everything
related to sex. I came to Baku from Moscow where even then people were
promiscuous in that uniquely Christian way: men and women actually slept
with each other sometimes. Locals easily recognized me as a Muscovite,
because my Russian was hopelessly tainted with the Moscow accent. They
kept giving me the same friendly warning to stay away from local women.
At first, I didn't take it seriously and just laughed,
“What are they going to do, cut me?”
The locals only sighed at my lack of concern,
“He understand nothing, yes. You tell him, he don't believe. How can
you help him if such are Moscow ways?”
Eventually, I realized they weren't joking and began shrinking away
from women, and rightly so. Locals considered virginity the main treasure
a young woman could possibly possess. She could hold a Ph.D. in nuclear
physics, star in the local production of Swan Lake, be the most beautiful
creature in the world, moonlight as a cosmonaut, and be the only daughter
of an underground millionaire, all at the same time, but without the hymen
it would be impossible to marry her off. Interestingly, the opinion of
the groom didn't really count in these matters. The morning after the wedding,
an older female relative of the new husband, like an unyielding judge,
was sent into the newlyweds' bedroom to inspect the linens. The results
were ceremoniously announced to the guests. If the telltale signs were
not obvious, the bride was sent back to her parents without the dowry,
but with her reputation destroyed forever; and the groom's family would
begin searching for the next candidate.
A lady from the apartment next door told me once about the marriage
of her distant relative. The bride and groom had never met. The marriage
was arranged between the two sets of parents. When all the details were
discussed and all possible problems wrinkled out, the bride's parents,
visibly embarrassed, admitted that the bride had a tiny defect, which they,
as honest people, considered their duty to report to the parents of the
groom. It so happened that the bride was no longer a virgin. After some
consideration, the groom's parents said that since the parent's of the
bride were so honest with them, they would reciprocate with similar honesty.
The groom was not perfect either. It so happened that he was suffering
from a clinical case of idiocy. The two tiny imperfections mercifully cancelled
each other out. Everyone breathed out a sigh of relief, and, happy with
their honesty, sentenced a normal girl (who probably was in love, unless
some member of her own family had raped her, which wasn't at all unusual
in Baku) to spend the rest of her life with a madman.
But what can you do with the most natural urges of one's body and soul?
Contrary to your na?ve misconceptions, their source is found not in the
well-known Christian decadence, but rather in the personal biology of the
sufferers themselves, which doesn't really depend on the religion of their
parents. This problem is gravely exacerbated by the fact that we are not
talking about icy expanses of Sweden or Finland, but of subtropical latitudes
where children ripen like tomatoes or even faster. Children will be children.
In promiscuous Russia, and even more so in the West, a girl will wait a
little, think a little, and, finally, surrender her maidenhead to a lucky
suitor. Eventually she may even get married even though not a virgin, because
Jews and Christians are no better than dumb animals; they don't even inspect
the bed-sheets, so the slut risks absolutely nothing succumbing to her
lewd instincts.
But the Azeri girls, along with their Uzbek counterparts, manage to
follow their unbearable urges without inflicting any damage on their precious,
but utterly useless membranes. This produces a stark contrast between the
infantile innocence of their eyes and the wisdom of their skillful mouths,
a contrast that, when seen on the face of a fifth-grader, can scare the
crap out of any Christian and even some Jews, but leaves Muslims undeterred.
And why not? Your prophet married a six-year-old girl, but didn't deflower
her until she reached the ripe age of nine. Try imagining what Aisha learned
in those three years. Just don't insult my intelligence suggesting that
it was reading, writing, and arithmetic. The Prophet wasn't too adept in
these subjects himself. Besides, instead of marrying her, he could have
left her in her father's house and hired a tutor for her. So, try to imagine
what was he doing with her. No hands! You can't? Then log on to one of
your favorite sites on the Web. As far as I can tell from your letter,
you know where to look for that stuff.
I was lucky. I left Baku long before the Soviet Union fell apart and
Azerbaijan became independent. I learned about the Armenian pogroms there
from the New York Times. You have also heard, I suppose, how your co-religionists
killed everyone they could lay their hands on. They burned people alive.
They cut open pregnant women's stomachs. They threw babies down from balconies.
They raped women who were still alive, dying, or already dead. You are
saying that 9 out of 10 homicidal maniacs are Christians? I don't know
who sold you such a stupid lie. Look at your deeds, and you will see that
99 out of 100 observant Muslims are homicidal maniacs. Actually, it's 100
out of 100, but one didn't fulfill his quota and was locked in the loony
bin.
You assure me that “people who every day convert to Islam are not stupid,
but educated, smart and strong.” In my country, the overwhelming majority
of new converts to Islam are inmates serving prison time for violent crimes.
For a long time, people kept guessing why Islam attracted criminals. After
9/11, we know. Of course, everyone judges things from one's own perspective.
It's quite possible that given the general background of your country's
population, our newly made Muslims look educated, smart, and strong. That,
I guess, should also be blamed on Christians and Jews.
You could argue that I am writing about Azeris, who are Shiites and,
therefore, not really Muslim from your own, Sunni point of view. That wouldn't
surprise me, since the Azeri speak of Uzbeks as a lower subspecies of the
human race, although to a civilized person you both look equally savage.
But take a look at Iraq where your brothers, the Sunnis, use every opportunity
to murder your cousins, the Shiites. Frankly, I am sick and tired of reading
and writing about how tribal elders in Pakistan sentence a woman to be
gang-raped; how in Iran a raped woman is sentenced to be stoned for adultery;
how Egyptians mutilate their women's genitals; how in all Arab countries
the barbaric custom of “honor killings” is upheld by the majority of the
population, as if this were the 12th rather than the 21st century. If you
really want to see homicidal maniacs, look at photographs from Fallujah
or Ramallah. Tune in to the al Jazeera channel. Even simpler: look in the
mirror. You yourself may not have killed anyone yet, but you support the
genocidal ideology called Islam, and, therefore, your hands are not as
clean as you would like us to believe.
Your reference to the “important scientist from the West” looks even
more absurd than the rest of your letter. You don't know the scientist's
name, or the name of the book he allegedly wrote, or what exactly he wrote
in that book (“100 or 200”). You don't even know the field in which he
is supposed to be so important. Are you sure this scientist really exists?
Could it be that your mullah dreamed him up along with the rest of the
garbage he feeds you five times a day?
You write that America fought its wars “egotistically”. Who stopped
Uzbekistan from doing the same? Of course, during the two World Wars, there
was no country called Uzbekistan. Think about that simple historical fact.
Our “egotism” saved Europe first from Hitler, then from Stalin. Only thanks
to our “egotism”, the Soviet Union fell apart and Uzbekistan became an
independent country; never mind how abysmally backward even on the generally
backward background of the Muslim world.
I am not going to try to convince you that all the “statistics” you
quote, all those 90% of maniacs, 14% of incestuous families, 50% of the
all the world's gold, along with the rest of your “facts” are so absurd,
that, next to it, even Soviet propaganda looks like the New York Times.
(Although it's quite possible that it is the fault of the New York Times
rather than yours.) Where do you manage to find all that junk? On the Internet,
you are mostly interested in naked women. Could it be you found it all
in the Koran?
You are confident that your women love their lives and hate the lives
of Western women. I believe you. The thing is that our women do not only
have to fight for their husbands. They also have to compete for the corner
office on the 48th floor with the view of the Statue of Liberty, for a
six-digit bonus at Christmastime, for a place on the space shuttle — for
absolutely everything they have in life. Our women fight for all that and,
God bless them, win. That's why fighting for her husband is not really
that important for the Western woman. She is a perfectly complete person
even without him. You, my dear critic, have never met women like that.
They don't grow under the green banner of Islam. You are so very afraid
of women like ours that no quantity of Viagra would help you overcome your
fear. And why would a normal Western woman be interested in someone like
you? There are centuries of evolution between your women and ours, and
the same, by the way, is true about the men as well. Keep in mind, though,
that the outcome of the evolution, which is, hopefully, ahead of you, is
not guaranteed. Chimps, for example, will be chimps even a thousand years
from today.
And since we have mentioned evolution, can you explain to me how did
it happen that while we, infidels, fly into space, cure all kinds of diseases,
make computers and write software for them, live ever longer, ever better,
ever richer and freer lives, you, Muslims, in the 6 hundred years that
have passed since Ulugbek built his telescope from adobe bricks, have invented
or discovered exactly nothing? You don't know? I can explain. It is because
you are... How should I put it tactfully? Well, Muslims. Your backwardness
is not genetic; it's purely religious. You are perfectly capable of participating
in all our achievements. But as long as you continue to worship your cruel
idol, you will continue living in caves, destined to subsist on whatever
falls from the table of the infidels. That's exactly what the Koran teaches,
if you read it carefully and critically.
In conclusion, I would like to give you some very important advice.
If you want to preserve your health, do not believe Uzbek gynecologists.
Every real doctor will tell you that masturbation is good for your health.
You want proof? Here it is. You probably have never heard of Bill Clinton,
but I'm sure you know all about Monica Lewinsky and how she was laboring
under a desk like a good Uzbek girl; while she was at it, Clinton was the
guy behind the desk. Anyway, when Clinton was president, his Surgeon General
was a lady named Jocelyn Elders (yet another example of how much a Western
woman can achieve if she wants to). Dr. Elders made a passionate speech
about the benefits of masturbation in front of the UN General Assembly
and even strongly recommended to include it in the junior high school curriculum.
Leaders of all the countries in the world, all highly respected (mostly
in their own countries) people listened to her, and no one offered even
a single word of objection. Unfortunately, the change of curriculum she
suggested was not approved by the UN, because the quality of education
in most countries is so low, they were afraid children might actually stop
masturbating; and no one, obviously, wanted that to happen. In any case,
I assure you that no harm to your health will come from your own hands.
So, get comfortable, log on to your favorite web site or imagine that you
are Muhammad in bed with a first-grader, and go for it with everything
you've got!
I wish you success in everything you do and much happiness in your
private life.
Zack Lieberberg
Translated by Yashiko Sagamori, March 13, 2005
© 2002—2005 Yashiko Sagamori. All rights reserved.
Russian version
