Maof - The Handwriting on the Wall that Nobody Read

Recently, I had to visit the local branch of the Department of Motor Vehicles. I joined the line. It took me approximately 45 minutes to get close enough to see the Information Desk, where visitors are supposed to state their business, receive blank forms to fill out and a number by which they will be called; and then, the real wait finally begins.

The Information Desk had three windows. There were three employees behind them. One was sitting at her window performing her duties in reasonable accordance with her job description. The other two, a man and a woman, were trying to pry open a file cabinet. The man was built like Andre the Giant. The woman was built like a squirrel. The man was forcing the claw of a hammer into a crack between the drawer and the body of the file cabinet. The woman was hugging the cabinet, unsuccessfully trying to immobilize it. Every time the man pushed, the cabinet became airborne, and the woman flew with it like Wile E. Coyote falling into the precipice while holding on to some no-longer flying apparatus. After each try, the man collected the file cabinet from wherever it landed, the woman resumed her position, and the line observed the next iteration of the same cyclical process.

I am a rude an impatient person. As soon as I got within the earshot of them, I asked the man, “Why don't you just smash the damn thing to pieces and get whatever's inside?”

The man replied philosophically, “I am a government employee. This is government property. If every government employee breaks a piece of government property, what will be left of it all?”

While saying that, he inserted the claw of the hammer into the crack and gave it an especially powerful jerk. Despite his calm appearance, my remark might have irritated him, because this time the file cabinet fell apart. The woman began methodically sorting through the debris.

“Well?” the man asked after awhile.

“It's not there,” the woman said.

“Did you look in Letisha's office?” asked the one who had been working.

“I'll be damned,” the man said. The woman departed, presumably, in the direction of Letisha's office. The man sat at his window and began processing customers.

Roughly, 200 people spent an extra 30 minutes each in that line while those two were slowly torturing the empty file cabinet to death. That's 100 man-hours maliciously wasted by the government. But nobody complained and, therefore, as far as “We the People” are concerned, things went just fine. What most of us do not realize is that the Department of Motor Vehicles is a peephole into the inner workings on every level of our government.

You probably assume that the IRS, the INS, the CIA, the FBI, the Department of Commerce, the Department of Defense, the State Department, and the White House work differently. But if I ask you what facts, what solid knowledge your assumption is based upon, you will not be able to answer. Of course, presidents of the United States, senators and congressmen, as well as secretaries, chairmen, and directors of this and that have speechwriters and PR professionals to take care of them. Thanks to those professionals, people who are supposed to lead us look and sound like competent, responsible leaders. But that's only the fa?ade, behind which there is nothing but rows upon rows of empty file cabinets. All the keys were lost a long time ago, along with opportunities to kick Mohammed Atta out of the country before he flew into the World Trade Center, or to apprehend Osama bin Laden before he became the saint of all Muslims around the globe. Actually, trying to pry one open was an act of creativity that would not be tolerated by any self-respected bureaucracy; all the more glory to the unsung heroes of your local Department of Motor Vehicles.

I urge you to notice that my dismay with the government is totally apolitical. I am not criticizing either the Republicans or the Democrats. And how could I? While the Democrats were accusing George Bush of unleashing Hurricane Katrina in order to boost Halliburton's profits, the Republicans were responding that the hurricane was a natural disaster, of which the White House had had no prior knowledge. Such is the level of political discourse in the United States of America in the early years of the 21st century. This time, I believe the Republicans, not just because Halliburton was doing pretty well even without the hurricane, but, mainly, because the lack of knowledge is exactly what you can expect from a bunch of cretins who have lost the keys to a zillion and a half empty file cabinets. But is there a reason for me, or for you, to vote one way rather than the other? I don't see it. Of course, the Republicans do not blame the hurricane on Hillary Clinton, but chances are they will as soon as she moves into the White House.

Sophisticated numerologists discovered that the percentage of the New Orleans population in the population of the United States closely matches the proportion of Jews kicked out of Gaza to the population of Israel. That led them to conclude that the destruction of New Orleans was God's punishment for the surrender of Gaza. I don't believe so. After all, God didn't destroy Ur for the sins of Sodom and Gomorra; being a perfectly reasonable God, He destroyed Sodom and Gomorra. As a registered Republican, I obediently follow the party line and consider Hurricane Katrina a natural phenomenon. This doesn't mean, of course, that God can't use natural phenomena as punitive measures. And if the tsunami of 2004 was a punishment to our enemies, the Muslims, then Katrina may very well be a punishment to us for attempting to bring relief to the punished. Think about it that next time our government throws a few billion dollars at our sworn enemies.

Think, for example, of $2 billion dollars the US government pays to Egypt annually since 1973 for not attacking Israel directly. Thanks to that bribe, Egypt has been attacking Israel indirectly ever since Jimmy Carter brokered the Camp David agreement. If Jimmy Carter had decided to destroy Egypt instead, Egypt would not be attacking anyone directly or indirectly at a much lower cost to the American taxpayers.

But, of course, we don't do things like that to our mortal enemies. That would be terribly inhumane, wouldn't it? Instead, we bribe them to pretend they are not our mortal enemies. Interestingly enough, we are doing both the bribing and the pretending. Remember the time when we pretended that Saddam Hussein was our ally? I look forward to seeing Iran and Syria on the list of our allies in the near future. North Korea and Cuba will follow. Have you counted how much money the US government has pumped into the terrorist organization known as the “Palestinian Authority”? It doesn't matter that the government calls it “humanitarian assistance”. No matter what they call it, it is direct financing of terrorism. This is being done in the middle of our so-called “war on terror” in the hope of avoiding being a target. Do you think that will work? Yeah, right. So, tell me, is there a bigger sponsor of Muslim terrorism than the government of these United States?

As every citizen of New Orleans can attest, the humanitarian gestures our government makes towards its own people are far less spectacular. Not being an expert, I imagine that the effects of a dirty bomb should be somewhat similar to what we have seen in New Orleans. For those who don't know, a dirty bomb is a conventional explosive device packed with highly radioactive material that spreads around when the thing goes off. The immediate casualties and damage caused by a dirty bomb are relatively small. But the area of the explosion instantly becomes deadly. The city is still standing, but it is no longer habitable. Imagine what will happen when Muslims blow up several dirty bombs simultaneously in your city. Remember what you have seen on TV? Only instead of black welfare recipients wading chest-deep through dirty flood waters, it will be you, dragging your own pearly-white Jewish or Christian ass and whatever is left of your family along radioactive streets, not knowing whether you have already received a fatal dose of radiation or not. And the government, no matter who is the president, or the governor, or the mayor, or the Secretary General of the UN at the time, will do everything it can to help you, which is pretty much nothing at all.

Did you notice that I didn't say if it happens; I said when. If you think I am being too pessimistic, please tell me what facts, what knowledge your optimism is based upon. What will stop the Muslims from doing this to us? The Homeland Security Department? You can't be serious. The fear of our response? I don't think so. They've seen our response to 9/11 and know there is nothing to worry about. Of course, we make a lot of noise, but our noise affects neither the core of their beliefs not their ability to cause us more harm. Of course, we have the Bomb, but they know as well as we do that we don't have the guts to use it. Therefore, you must be relying on the goodness of their Muslim hearts, because, despite everything your stupid face has been rubbed into in the 4 years that have passed since 9/11, you still believe that deep down all people are the same and share the same beautiful dreams. Then all I can do is wish you all the luck in the world, because the goodness of the Muslim heart is as mythical a thing as the wisdom of our government. Maybe you should begin shopping for radiation protection gear for your children now. You can also try to succeed in business by buying lottery tickets.

I've kept silent throughout the “disengagement”. Many readers have asked me why, and I haven't found it within myself to even answer that simple question. Let me explain why I am too frustrated to keep telling you the truth. Because most of you behave like people who are 100% blind and too stupid to realize their vision is not perfect. What makes you blind? The fact that you believe propaganda more readily than what you see with your own eyes. What makes you stupid? You figure it out.

When Israel tried to disengage from its enemies by fence, the most non-lethal means theoretically possible, you didn't call it disengagement. You called it apartheid, a crime against humanity, and many other nasty things it wasn't. When Israel surrendered Gaza to its enemies without a single shot fired, you called it “disengagement”.

You call an Israeli living in his own country a “settler”, and that name alone provides you with a good enough excuse to declare every crime committed against him and his children justifiable. What do you call a Pakistani or an Arab who settles in your country with the goal of eventually turning it into an extension of his native Turdistan?

You call a man desperately trying not to shed blood while defending his home in Gaza a “right-wing Jewish extremist”. You call Arabs living generation after bloody generation in their dirty settlements in and around Israel “refugees”.

You rationalize the surrender of Gaza by the fact that each of the 8 or 9 thousand legitimate residents of Gaza had to be protected by several IDF soldiers, but it never occurred to you to blame those who threatened them, much less to demand that the soldiers eliminate the threat and go home. It never occurred to you that those who threaten Israel constitute a clear and present danger to you, whether you are a Jew, a Christian, or a Buddhist; whether you live in Israel, Britain, Belgium, or, believe it or not, even the United States of America.

You watched the expulsion of Jews from Gaza on TV without ever realizing that what you were watching was, simply and undeniably, a pogrom, and the fact that it was done by Jewish hands, with the approval of Jews both in Israel and Diaspora, only makes it worse. Much worse.

Yesterday, Gazan synagogues went up in flames. About 65 years ago, synagogues were burning in Germany. It was of little concern to Jews elsewhere. It was certainly of very little concern to Christians everywhere. But you, being blind and stupid, won't see the parallel.